I know I’m a little old to still be getting to know myself, but I just had a realization.
Chose not to attend a social activity at which I was expected tonight. I had reasons. Legitimate ones. I could have given advance notice that I planned not to show, like a reasonable person would have, but I didn’t. I even know that I should have. Even telling myself that, I have to admit that if I could go back and do it again, I still wouldn’t have. There doesn’t seem to be any good reason for that kind of cussedness.
So I realized, I just really, really don’t like having to justify myself. I don’t like the idea of other people trying to talk me out of, or into, my decisions, and if you give them any lead time they will. I don’t like them feeling like they have the right to do this, or like I have an obligation to let them. There’s an implication that I haven’t already thought things through and come to my decisions deliberately. I find it disrespectful on a very deep, basic level.
And I mean, I know that even this is an unreasonable attitude. That it makes me intractable, and impossible to share a planet with. But that won’t change me. I’m just an arrogant dick and I don’t feel like I should have to justify myself to anyone.