As I’ve discussed before in other diatribes, I suffer from a pretty robust case of writer doubt and I don’t really have any answers about where it came from. I mean, when I was a child, you could not have talked me out of the idea that I was the Next Big Thing. It’s sort of stunning how massive my ego was when I was, say, eleven. Especially when I consider that by the second semester of my freshman year at ASU, I was swearing I’d given up writing fiction because I had no talent for it.
But I’m not here to engage in another one of those moment of self-pity over my uncertainties. Quite the opposite, in fact. This is one of those moments when the universe noticed that I was lost inside the struggle to recognize the relevance of my work, and gave me not just a pat on the back but a full hug.
And really, I’ve been complimented on my writing before. For some reason, it never seems to stick. Probably some element of me being unable to fully accept a reality that doesn’t originate within myself, and so as long as I maintain these doubts, they’ll keep springing up from the garden of my imagination no matter how many times I whack them down. This, though. What I’ve experienced this week. This has been something entirely new for me. I shared a deeply personal piece of writing with strangers, expecting to meet with the usual wall of apathy my work seems to provoke, but instead I have met with an almost overwhelming surge of love, recognition, and solidarity. Messages offering profound thanks that I had expressed feelings they’d been struggling to name in themselves. Telling me how I had moved them.
This. This is all I’ve ever wanted as a writer. People felt what I was saying. That it took feelings inspired by someone else’s character to produce this response isn’t even relevant. The relevant thing here is that I’ve never had this before, and I can’t find the words to express how grateful I am for the sense of connectedness I’ve been experiencing this week with the people who shared my writing with me.
What I’m trying to say is thank you.
I needed that.
Autistic Wordpainter 
I hope the issue is not going to muddy the waters, though, Alyssa. Yes, you were inspired by a character creation by someone else. And many people have an affinity to that character and therefore feel an interest. BUT: it takes more than the interest in the subject to feel compelled to answer like so many people on tumblr or here did. It takes a writer who a) has something to say and b) is able to express herself fluently, logically and in an engaging, entertaining way. You did all that. I hope that some of the self-doubt will be rubbed out by the experience of last week. Not all of it – it never goes (own experience) – but maybe that is a good thing, because self-doubt can be a motivator.
Continued success with your writing – looking forward to reading more.
Oh, I’m sure I’ll go back to being my usual Eeyore-like self in a few weeks when the warm feelings have faded and the awfulness of summer in Phoenix has set in. The best I can hope for is to ride this wave while it lasts and try to get the last few thousand words of my w-i-p out of it. It just seemed like a moment worth taking note of with gratitude, since I don’t get compliments often and certainly not like this.
One thing I never, ever doubt is my superb editing skills. If I can just make it to Editville I know I’ll be home free.
Reblogged this on Me + Richard Armitage and commented:
Alyssa, author of that moving Lucas North post, thanks readers for their support. Please follow her newly re-energized WP blog! [comments over there, please.]
OK, maybe the universe played a role — but you also took the first step. You put yourself out there!
And that is a scary thing to do. I almost didn’t!
It does not matter what inspires your creativity. Lucas as created by Armitage was an excellent motivator. I hope you simply write when and what you feel – whatever the motivator. And as long as it pleases YOU. Or continue to EDIT – editing is also a creative enterprise at its best!
Oh yes, Armitage’s Lucas North is a worthy subject for creative thought. No doubt about that. And the speed with which I kicked out such a long piece about him has reminded me that I don’t have to spend an entire month agonizing over my dinky minimum word count — I can blaze when I want to. This novel could be done by the end of next month if I wrote it as quickly as I wrote about Lucas.
Go on writing, you are blessed. You have everything to succeed, I’m sure. All the reactions you collected were highly deserved.
Sending big hugs from Italy 🙂 C.
Thank you so much! 🙂
I love your writing.I especially loved your piece on Lucas North, a favorite character of mine. I can’t seem to find it here ( I’ll use Severitus’ link). Just haven’t figured out this blog site yet and how to access all your archived entries.- but please,keep writing- because we are reading.
oops- make that servetus.
LOL. I was wonder whether to say anything. “Severitus” is one of a few labels for Harry Potter fanfic in which Snape is written OOC / against canon. Not that I mind being thought of as a kinder, gentler Professor Snape 🙂
That wouldn’t be bad at all. It would mean you’re secretly the real hero of the story. 😉
I always liked Snape. Right from the beginning. Possibly because I am also a misunderstood professor 🙂
I liked him from the beginning too, and no surprise. I’m always a sucker for the morose, asocial ones who are too smart to be happy and take it out on the world with a biting sense of humor. My kind of people. 😉
And really, I always thought the kids were just awful to him. Not that he was a bundle of love to them, but Harry had it in for him completely unreasonably from Day One.
it’s part of what makes the books good, I think — that as a reader you realize that not all of Harry’s perceptions are correct or fair — and eventually Harry realizes that, too — key for me is that flash of sympathy when he realizes that his father and Sirius had bullied Snape as teens.